This morning I was thinking about money and God and was wondering where I was blocked in this area? You see, I recently left an eighteen-year career in real estate to follow my dream of being an author, teacher, and speaker of spiritual concepts. The past week I’ve been feeling fear and constriction rise up around money, questions that circled in my head and haunted my dreams.
This anxious energy said, “So now how do you think you are going to be able to support the lifestyle you’ve been accustomed to? Where will the money come from now that you are out of real estate? Maybe you need to downsize in order to survive.” I even dreamed that I was trying to save my commission on a real estate deal that was in jeopardy of being stolen from another agent. I screamed into the telephone, “This commission belongs to me!” I felt an anxiety course through my body even as I slept.
The next morning, I wrote the sincere question as a prayer in my journal, “Show me where I am blocked in my beliefs around money and help me to shift them.”
Within moments came the download and it looked like this:
1) You have been looking in the wrong place for your Source.
You see, as I pulled back from real estate over the past year, I started running the story that now it was time for my husband to take over paying the bills. I didn’t know how he was going to do so since losing his job, but I knew I was tired of carrying the responsibility both emotionally and physically. Wrapped in this belief were little resentments that I held were a part of me blaming him for the extra stress I felt being the breadwinner and the physical crash that came later which I used as an excuse to stop working myself.
“He is not your source. I AM.“
2) You believe that you need to bust your ass to be successful.
Right. I still held to the old masculine paradigm that helped me build a successful real estate business that said I needed to work like a dog, run myself ragged, be there for everyone, any time, all the time. I thought that my level of stress equaled my level of success.
I have indeed been struggling with resisting the pull to start “building my business” and doing all the things that it requires, like growing my platform, teaching classes and working with new counseling clients. Instead, I have chosen to follow my inner guidance and focus on finishing my memoir, which I’d been judging as a bit self-indulgent and possibly a great waste of time if it’s not a massive genre-breaking bestseller! Such pressure…!
“Stop grasping for the shore and surrender to the flow, I’ve got you.“
3) Stop seeing others’ success as taking something away from you.
Recently my sister told me that she was planning a trip to Paris next summer and although happy for her, I also felt awash with envy. Traveling around the world has always been a passion of mine, and something that had until recently, been in my reach. I wondered if now that neither my husband nor I were making a steady income, would this desire die unfulfilled in me?
“That which you see outside yourself is a reflection of an aspect of your reality. When one in your circle succeeds, celebrate with abandon as this means that it is closer to being made manifest in yours.”
4) If I follow my dreams I will be abandoned by God and live in poverty.
When I was a child, my parents drastically changed our lifestyle and moved from the city to the woods where we homesteaded and lived off the land. They were following an inner directive that they experienced as the voice of God. They trusted that divine guidance to make this lifestyle shift and in return, my dad lost his job and we spiraled into poverty…in the woods…where I hated living.
As a child, I began investing in the false belief that if I followed my dreams, I too would be lost in poverty. Now here I was following my own inner guidance and dreams and drastically shifting my own life. Would I suffer the same end as my parents?
This was the subconscious root of my issues around money. Yet, somehow, simply shining the light of my awareness on this old misguided belief freed it up inside and I can let that old fear go.
“You can trust me. I will never punish you for following our dreams. Your fulfillment lies in your ability to listen to divine guidance and follow it. I will never lead you astray.“
I hope by sharing my journey that it inspires you to have the courage to ask the hard questions too and begin clearing the stagnation out of your life along with me. For it is in asking that we receive, seeking that we find and knocking on the door of The Divine that our path will be opened unto us.